Time does not heal all wounds

Now that a few days has passed (or is past) I feel angry about this whole prolpase issue.  Not only have I been in pain since the exam and more so since I went for a short run, but I feel like perhaps I could have prevented the whole thing.

Many times over my pregnancy I told the midwife I was severely constipated–which is one of the main ways to develop this type of prolapse.  I wonder if she would have been more aggressive in her treatment if I would have done anything different?  I also complained about pelvic pressure–something I am sure she hears about with each and every pregnancy–but, this felt different.  Could I have been more clear perhaps…

I am sure that anyone who is diagnosed with something that impairs their life goes through these same feelings.  I know that I am not alone in feeling angry.

I also feel guilty.  Guilty for not being more diligent about my wheat intolerance–the main cause of my constipation.  If I wouldn’t have been so glutinous and greedy about what I ate–perhaps I wouldn’t be in this mess.

I feel guilty about not wanting to have sex–because I know it is going to hurt.  I feel horrible for not wanting sex.  I feel bad for my husband.  I feel selfish.

So, there you have it.  All my vulnerabilities out on the internet.  I don’t even feel better.

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One thought on “Time does not heal all wounds

  1. You can do everything right and still have this happen. As you said, what you are feeling is a very normal, grieving process for the way things used to be with your body.

    My heart goes out to you. I have a prolapse of another sort (my rectum is prolapsed into my vagina – how is that for a disturbing mental image?)

    There is nothing selfish about taking the time that your body needs to heal, physically and emotionally. When you are ready, take it slow and use plenty of lubrication. Try different positions that avoid the effects of gravity (not that you are destined to have sex standing on your head!)

    Also, don't give up hope. Things “down there” gradually regain their tone during the first year or two postpartum. Keep up with the kegel exercises. As dumb as they seem, they do help. It wont be a cure but it might ease your symptoms. Post birth, my prolapse was AWFUL. Now it's livable.

    I almost said “hang in there” but than I realized that might not be punny 🙂

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