If I dont work am I still smart?

I am done feeling sorry for myself. My grief has run its course. Friends, you need not worry any longer that I will call and harass you with my sorrowful words.

I have vowed to spend 3 days a week/ 1 hour each day looking at the job boards. I will apply to jobs that meet my basic criteria (as required by EDD), but will only accept the **perfect** job.

I discovered that my career fed a large part of my self worth. When I lost my job I felt lost and embarrassed. I felt like if I was unemployed people would think less of me. I worried that they would assume I was less smart than them, and most importantly I wondered if they would respect me less. Why does our job or career so often attempt to define us? Why is the first question that acquaintances ask is what you do for a living? When did what we do for money become what we are all about as people. Curious.

The truth though is that since I lost my job I have been more relaxed, happier (as in I actually smile and laugh), less stressed and have had more time to learn and explore my world. Thereby making me feel smarter, stronger and overall more jovial.

I don’t need to work to prove to anyone that I am a highly intelligent, independant woman I simply need to feel good about not working and the rest works itself out. It sounds so simple now that I have accepted it.

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Optimism

Again, this morning I was feeling pretty down about being laid off. I ran through my mental Rolodex of who I could call that would listen to me complain, again. While it still stings, it comes as no surprise that most people don’t want to listen to me rant, whine, and wallow in self pity. Hurph.

I was lucky enough to talk with a friend who gave me some much needed optimistic advice. She reminded me of all the times I called her regarding my job, of the many conversations we had about me quiting work to stay home and be a full time mom…etc., etc., etc.

I acknowledged that it was true, I wasn’t always 100% happy with my former job. (But, I wanted to be in control of the decision!!!) She reminded me again, that I was getting paid to be unemployed. And while not a whopping sum of money–I didn’t have to put up with clients or my formers bosses to get it. Its freeeeeeeeee–and all I have to do is look for work. Which, mind you doesn’t take too long since 1) there aren’t many jobs out there given the new recession news 2) there are fewer employers looking for part time employees 3) there are close to nill part time jobs that pay anywhere close to my salary requirements that would make it worth giving up unemployment pay 4) there aren’t any jobs that are part time, with my salary, that would benefit from my skill set since the mortgage market is totally locked up by the lack of credit.

This was further evidenced today by my phone interview with the Unemployment Office. Apparently my file was flagged because they thought I was trying to get paid for full time benefits, and only look for part time work. Her words were something like–How much do you make per hour? And, how many hours did you work? Hmm, most full time employees don’t get paid that much. Uh huh, yes, you might need to lower your salary requirements a bit to get a job in this market.

Thanks for the reality check. I needed someone to knock me off my high horse today. I had only just remounted earlier that morning. Yes, you have a great day too.

Dont get your hopes up yet

As you all know, I lost my job 2 weeks ago. I spent the first couple of days pretty reflective and depressed. I decided not to search for a job until the new year. I wanted to spend the holidays relaxing with my family. I was feeling dejected and was questioning my self worth.

As a result of these feelings, after only a couple of days I created an account with Monster.com, updated my Linkedin Profile, and filed for unemployment. I also started looking for jobs on Craigslist. I found THE perfect position for my skill set–as a software administrator for a mortgage banking software! How much more perfect could my timing be! I immediately emailed my resume and a cover letter, and the next day the IT director replied requesting an interview. We scheduled the interview for the following Monday, 9am. I knew I wouldn’t be unemployed for long! I started to feel less loser like, and more like the over confident person I pretend to be.

Monday morning, I got up, showered, shaved all areas that hair grows unwanted, blew my hair dry, got all dolled up in my interview clothes, and checked my email. I had a feeling.

Good thing I trust my intuition these days. The IT director emailed and said this: I had to make some changes in my schedule and cannot meet with you this morning. I will follow up with some alternate options. Thanks.

I replied and said that I was leaving for the holiday weekend later that day, and would return on the following Monday should he wish to schedule an in person interview for then. Otherwise, I would be happy to do a preliminary phone interview. No response.

I sent a follow up email over the weekend asking if we could reschedule our meeting. He replied and said this: Unfortunately, It was announced that BIG Mortgage Bank would be winding down its operations effective 12/24. Thanks.

Bummer for everyone.