|Im kind of a big deal.|
|35 pictures and this is the only one where all 3 kids look decent.|
I must be extremely fertile. I am pregnant. My cycles are only 26 days, so from when the ovulation stick turned positive on July 15th, until today it is only 11 days (DPO).
Pregnancy loss happens frequently. There are tons of stats on-line that speak of 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage, often before you are even aware of begin pregnant. And, while I am a very logical, rational person, nothing prepares you for the loss of your baby.
Spencer’s first birthday is coming up in a few short weeks. He shares a birthday with my best friends daughter, in addition to having a birthday near Thanksgiving (and once in a blue moon–on) most years. So, planning his birthdays will be tough for a few years.
I had a post sitting in my drafts for the last 2 months. I wrote it whilst feeling very emotional and vulnerable. I didn’t feel, at the time, that I should post it. However, after reading it again I decided to go ahead. My feelings at the time were real and therefore valid. If you are a follower–you will see a new post with an old date.
Some days are still as frustrating as I earlier described. However, many of the days are actually becoming enjoyable. I attribute the change to a handful of things.
The first is that Elliott seems to be growing out of his defiant stage (I should say temporarily shelving as I expect it to show up again sooner rather than later). He is becoming more aware of the daily expectations–get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast (sitting down), go to preschool or some other activity, etc.
He is also working very hard at adjusting to life as a sibling. He clearly likes Spencer, but still has a hard time sharing time and/or toys with him. He also can scarcely contain his enthusiasm and sheer joy that comes from pushing him over, or angrily ripping a toy from him hands. I suspect that Elliott is asserting himself over Spencer because Spenc is low man on the totem pole (so to speak). As such, I have been working on navigating the two of them more carefully. I have also been working on the language I use when correcting the other, making sure to say things to both Elliott AND Spencer. That has helped facilitate their relationship with one another, and if I handle it correctly it should make them closer over the long haul.
In addition to the normal growth that occurs when a sibling is added–I too, have been growing and adjusting. I have always felt proud of the fact that I was very patient and took the time to explain things to my child. And then there were two…and all patience went out the window. I am slowly, day by day, regaining some of that patience.
As I slowly take back more of my body (less nursing on a daily basis) and I start to get more solid chunks of sleep I find that I am more patient and less irritable. Both of these things attribute to a more patient and nurturing parent.
Lastly, I am learning more about redirecting my anger as well as my children’s. I am also working on easing up on them–they ares still so little! Elliott is 3 and 1/2 years old–but that is still small. He needs reminders and more reminders. He still needs me to swoop him up and kiss his owie. He still lets me hold his hand when we cross the stress.
And, these days I relish each opportunity. I try and remind myself daily how lucky I am to be able to spend my days with my adorable boys. Very lucky indeed.
Up until 2 weeks before I got pregnant I never wanted children. When I was younger I would tell people I didn’t want kids. I didn’t babysit. There weren’t many babies or small children around while I was growing up. With the exception of my cousin who was born when I was in my early 20’s all the other kids were my age.
When the hubby and I met I was still certain that I didn’t want kids. Then one day something inside of me changed. It was shortly after we got married that my inner clock started ticking. I tried to ignore it a first. But it wouldn’t be ignored.
After living together for several years, a good length engagement, and a wonderful year post marriage the hubby and I had a short, and I mean 5 minutes or less, conversation about if we should try and start a family.
2 short weeks later the pee stick said pregnant. I was in shock for my entire first trimester. I did not handle it well. We now have 2 awesome, gorgeous boys.
Most of my friends seem to be content and happy with one child. These days many folks start their families later. Some are less willing to give up their perceived freedom due to careers or simply the pragmatic choice of budgetary restraints and are therefore unable to stay home with their children and then, many people simply feel satisfied with one child (and some none) . Some decide on having two, but very few of our friends have decided that yet.
I am plagued.
I want a third child. Something in my heart is telling me that our family in not complete yet. There are so many reasons why a third baby would be impractical. We only live in a 2 bedroom house-1000 square feet people. 3 kids might put us over the edge financially. I might loose my mind with three kids. Where would the 3rd kiddo sit at our dinner table? Would we ever get invited anywhere again? When would we sleep again? Oh, and I would have to get pregnant again (I don’t love being pregnant, and my lady parts are still on the fritz).
There is also the global perspective and the planet to think of. It is really a good idea to populate our planet with more than ourselves as replacements? Am I being selfish wanting a third child when so many folks can’t even have one? Hubby has valid concerns too regarding how much time he would have to spend with each. Would he get the quality time with each of them that they needed? Would it be total chaos? Would we be able to give each of them the love that they needed. What would our house be like with 5 human beings living in it at all times. Plus a dog and a cat.
All things emotional and logical inside of me say yes.
The house logistics are simple. While I occasionally get depressed that our house is so small; most of the time I am content with our small, cozy quarters. I love the neighborhood, the centrality, and our yard. I know we could make it work. Moreover, I want to make it work. I like to be challenged. And living in this house is a challenge in terms of getting everything to fit. It forces me to think about things before I buy them. It also requires shared space which is a good lesson for everyone. It forces each person to respect the others space. Plus, we won’t live here forever, although the in-laws have lived in their home for 30-plus years. Hmm, we could always remodel-budget permitting.
We have the gear. I have the space in my vehicle. I know I have enough love (patience may be a bit short in the beginning and during the teenage years). I am not getting any younger and in many ways I want to be done with the childbearing part and move all my energy and focus to the childrearing phase.
I keep getting stuck in the comments of others. Am I crazy for wanting three? Will I put myself over the edge? Do I have the personality to handle three kids?
I still have plenty of time to ponder this idea since breastfeeding full time has warded off my period. But it is fun to think about. Unless we have a girl…then all bets are off.
It has been said, by several people including my husband and my best friend, that I am never satisfied.
I never took this as an insult. In fact, I always approached it as a positive part of my personality. I think that striving to be better, constantly wanting to improve on what you are, and working and looking towards future goals are all very admirable traits to possess.
I understand however that it isn’t meant as a compliment. What they are really saying is that I am never happy with what I have and I cant ever be satisfied or appreciate the present. I am unable to stop, and be thankful. I can rarely be present because I am too busy looking ahead. I focus on what still needs to be done and not what has already been accomplished.
There are several parts about this situation that are difficult to address. The first is the basic differences in world views. How do you resolve something so ingrained in your personality with your spouse or loved ones? Being raised with HUGELY different parenting styles we both have traits and characteristics that compliment one another and also challenge one another.
My MIL is a role model for positive behavior. She has a knack for speaking only positive things, for making the best of each situation and for never vocalizing the negative. While it is often difficult to know how she really feels about something-it is very enjoyable and pleasant to spend time with her. My Mother on the other hand, has a special ability to be honest and forthcoming. She always speaks her mind and you know where you stand with her. She doesn’t often take things personally and has a tough skin. Of course, her honesty is one sided, and can often hurt those who are more sensitive than she is.
So when resolving a marital issue–do you ask the other person to change (assuming that a person can change) and moreover is it fair to even ask them to? Do you accept this as part of their personality or do you work towards a common goal or compromise and if so, how and what?
Is this simply about perspective which can be resolved with a word choice. Is this about manipulating the words to affect the desired result. When you are comfortable speaking your mind, is it worth taking the few extra moments to pause and think about what you are going to say and how it will perceived; and potentially alter the phrasing. Or is that compromising your true self to satisfy others who have more fragile personalities.
In disagreements where both sides feel they are justified — who is ‘right’ and how do you decide?
All of these are subjective, I know. Each relationship is unique and one can not possibly advise on how to resolve a situation like this for another person. I realize that I am asking questions that can not be answered by any another except the parties involved.
I also realize that when our words are hurting people we love, regardless of how or why, that we need to alter the phrasing and delivery.
So, what I am asking is that you provide suggestions for how you ‘make the best’ of situations even if they aren’t going as planned. How do you see and vocalize the positive when the first thing you see is what is wrong, not what is right? How do you keep your mouth shut when something goes wrong, and look on the bright side? Is there a way to offer suggestions without sounding like you are criticizing the progress. For the ladies–how do you power through hormonal periods of your life and still remain positive and upbeat?
I hope that like parenting, if my arsenal is full of suggestions and ideas, then I can be better prepared to handle the pitfalls challenges when they arise. Being prepared is a good place to start.
We loved eating the ears off of our first chocolate bunny. Thank you Grandma and Bobbotz! The book was a huge success as well.