Is three a charm?

Up until 2 weeks before I got pregnant I never wanted children. When I was younger I would tell people I didn’t want kids. I didn’t babysit. There weren’t many babies or small children around while I was growing up. With the exception of my cousin who was born when I was in my early 20’s all the other kids were my age.

When the hubby and I met I was still certain that I didn’t want kids. Then one day something inside of me changed. It was shortly after we got married that my inner clock started ticking. I tried to ignore it a first. But it wouldn’t be ignored.

After living together for several years, a good length engagement, and a wonderful year post marriage the hubby and I had a short, and I mean 5 minutes or less, conversation about if we should try and start a family.

2 short weeks later the pee stick said pregnant. I was in shock for my entire first trimester. I did not handle it well. We now have 2 awesome, gorgeous boys.

Most of my friends seem to be content and happy with one child. These days many folks start their families later. Some are less willing to give up their perceived freedom due to careers or simply the pragmatic choice of budgetary restraints and are therefore unable to stay home with their children and then, many people simply feel satisfied with one child (and some none) . Some decide on having two, but very few of our friends have decided that yet.

I am plagued.

I want a third child. Something in my heart is telling me that our family in not complete yet. There are so many reasons why a third baby would be impractical. We only live in a 2 bedroom house-1000 square feet people. 3 kids might put us over the edge financially. I might loose my mind with three kids. Where would the 3rd kiddo sit at our dinner table? Would we ever get invited anywhere again? When would we sleep again? Oh, and I would have to get pregnant again (I don’t love being pregnant, and my lady parts are still on the fritz).

There is also the global perspective and the planet to think of. It is really a good idea to populate our planet with more than ourselves as replacements? Am I being selfish wanting a third child when so many folks can’t even have one? Hubby has valid concerns too regarding how much time he would have to spend with each. Would he get the quality time with each of them that they needed? Would it be total chaos? Would we be able to give each of them the love that they needed. What would our house be like with 5 human beings living in it at all times. Plus a dog and a cat.

All things emotional and logical inside of me say yes.

The house logistics are simple. While I occasionally get depressed that our house is so small; most of the time I am content with our small, cozy quarters. I love the neighborhood, the centrality, and our yard. I know we could make it work. Moreover, I want to make it work. I like to be challenged. And living in this house is a challenge in terms of getting everything to fit. It forces me to think about things before I buy them. It also requires shared space which is a good lesson for everyone. It forces each person to respect the others space. Plus, we won’t live here forever, although the in-laws have lived in their home for 30-plus years. Hmm, we could always remodel-budget permitting.

We have the gear. I have the space in my vehicle. I know I have enough love (patience may be a bit short in the beginning and during the teenage years). I am not getting any younger and in many ways I want to be done with the childbearing part and move all my energy and focus to the childrearing phase.

I keep getting stuck in the comments of others. Am I crazy for wanting three? Will I put myself over the edge? Do I have the personality to handle three kids?

I still have plenty of time to ponder this idea since breastfeeding full time has warded off my period. But it is fun to think about. Unless we have a girl…then all bets are off.

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What happens at home

While we were on vacation last month in Washington State, we spent 3 nights visiting friends while staying in a vacation rental on Orcas Island. Our friends have a daughter who is almost 3 years old. I was talking about day care, parenting, and that sort of thing to my girlfriend and she said some things that have stuck with me.

She said that mostly due to financial restrictions and partly due to their own desire to expose their daughter to a wide range of people –they send their daughter to a less than optimum daycare (totally safe and free of danger of course). While they may be able to afford a slightly more expensive daycare–this one offered many of the things that others didn’t in the form of language and cultural diversity. She also felt that this daycare fit their needs the best with regard to location.

She said that her and her hubby have almost weekly discussions about the daycare-ranging from why they pull her out today to why this care arrangement is the best for them and their daughter.

The bottom line for both of them was that its what your child learns at home that matters most. Even though they spend a lot of time un-teaching their daughter undesirable habits or behaviours she learns at school, they felt that it was time well spent. They felt that it was a great way to teach valuable life lessons. Now, both parents are elementary school teachers (kindergarten and 2nd grade), so I am more inclined to trust what they say having the experience with kids that they do. What do you think? What have your experiences been in this arena?

Snails pace

I have always been a slow mover. I am a runner, but a painstakingly slow one. My marathon time in 2004 was just over 6 hours. Not bad for 26.2 miles, but still embarrassingly slow.

I am slow to make decisions, and often times have trouble making them on the spot. I like to take my time and think things over, ponder different variables, and talk them through. I can make on the fly decisions, I just prefer not to.

When I decided I wanted to be a Mom, I never once thought that this aspect of my life would change. In fact, I thought that this would be one of the benefits. I was clearly mistaken. Not only was I mistaken, but I was downright wrong.

I have been meeting a few girlfriends for play dates lately, and I am shocked at how fast kids move from one thing to the next. Play, cry, eat, potty, nurse, nap, diaper change, eat again, play, cry, nurse again…you get the picture. I can hardly keep up, and when I do I often feel like the gal in The Exorcist whose head spun around on her shoulders. I can barely hold a conversation with my Mommy friends, I cant focus or concentrate on my kid, and I have no idea what I talked about or did while we were together. My girlfriend and I were laughing because I told her how excited I was to see her and her girls, but that getting together wasn’t as fun as I thought it was going to be… She understood what I meant, and didn’t take it personally. In fact, she felt the same way.

Obviously, I also lack the ability to multi-task. I will have to cross that off of my resume. To top it off, when I get home my purse if full of diapers, dirty burp cloths, tissues, an empty water bottle, and trash…hmm, how did that get in there?