Time does not heal all wounds

Now that a few days has passed (or is past) I feel angry about this whole prolpase issue.  Not only have I been in pain since the exam and more so since I went for a short run, but I feel like perhaps I could have prevented the whole thing.

Many times over my pregnancy I told the midwife I was severely constipated–which is one of the main ways to develop this type of prolapse.  I wonder if she would have been more aggressive in her treatment if I would have done anything different?  I also complained about pelvic pressure–something I am sure she hears about with each and every pregnancy–but, this felt different.  Could I have been more clear perhaps…

I am sure that anyone who is diagnosed with something that impairs their life goes through these same feelings.  I know that I am not alone in feeling angry.

I also feel guilty.  Guilty for not being more diligent about my wheat intolerance–the main cause of my constipation.  If I wouldn’t have been so glutinous and greedy about what I ate–perhaps I wouldn’t be in this mess.

I feel guilty about not wanting to have sex–because I know it is going to hurt.  I feel horrible for not wanting sex.  I feel bad for my husband.  I feel selfish.

So, there you have it.  All my vulnerabilities out on the internet.  I don’t even feel better.