Our New House

Pregnancy loss happens frequently.  There are tons of stats on-line that speak of 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage, often before you are even aware of begin pregnant.  And, while I am a very logical, rational person, nothing prepares you for the loss of your baby.

It is life altering.  It changed the way I thought in ways unimaginable.  It has affected my relationships with people and how they view their own pregnancies.  It changes the way I view myself and my reproductive capacity.  
When we discovered that we lost our baby, it was a sadness I had never in my life experienced.  It was a pain I had never known.  There was a pit in my stomach that was empty and vast.  It was a pain, that if left unattended, could sweep on into a dark abyss of depression.  
As time has worn on, I have healed.   I have allowed love and happiness back in and pushed the despair and sadness out.  I learned to appreciate my family with renewed intensity.  I felt lucky and grateful to have my boys, when so many families long to have just one healthy child.  
My husband felt like the miscarriage was the universes way of saying that we weren’t meant to have this child.  I resented him for saying that.  I knew that science just didn’t align.  But, I also felt a small sense of relief.  The pregnancy was wanted, the baby was very much wanted and loved.  But, the timing was all wrong.
We were living in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 1000 sq foot, 102 year old house.  We didn’t have heat or A/C, we didn’t have a driveway or attached garage, and we were always on top of each other.  I know that families make due with much less every.single.day.  And I would’ve made it work–but, it was beyond stressful with 2 small kids and the possibility of a 3rd on the way.  
In many ways the loss is what motivated our family to buy a bigger house.  We moved into our new house at the end of March.  It is more than 2 and a 1/2 times bigger than our previous house and totally upgraded.  4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 bathrooms, a wonderful kitchen and yard, with a massive attached garage.  We loved living in a small space–it forced us to be cozy, uber organized, and very conscience of our purchases and possessions.  But, the kids are so much happier having their own space.  The boys still share a room, and I hope they always will.  But, they can play in different rooms and spaces and not be right on top of one another.   The boys ages or this new space has had a very positive effect for everyone: we are all finally sleeping better! 

The long ride home

My hubby and I are from the same home town. We didn’t know one another while we lived there, but were introduced to each other by his sister. One of the great things about being from the same home town, is that you never have to explain stories about when you were younger, or in high school…cause your partner knows exactly what and where (and often times who…) you are talking about.

The other nice part about being from the same home town is that when we go ‘home’, it means the same to both of us. Our families still live there, and when we go home, we get to see both of our families. Hubby’s parents, my Aunt and Uncle and my Mom all live with in 35 minutes of one another. Plus, we have a whole bunch of friends that live there too.

We typically stay at my best friends house-but since Elliott’s arrival, we have been staying at my in laws house. We have only taken Elliott home once so far. But, we decided to drive home again and visit with the families and with the SIL (who also lives 3 hours away, but in the opposite direction, and who will be visiting the same weekend). The in-laws house is now the epicenter for both hubby’s sister and for us. We dont have to bring a bunch of baby items, cause Grandma’s house already has everything we need.

In the past, hubby and I made efforts to visit all of the friends and family we could. Always making a point to prioritize family by day and friends by night. Since none of our friends from home have kids (yet) that makes it hard for us to see all of the peeps we want to see, and spend the requisite time with our families. Feelings easily get hurt if we dont prioritize correctly, or miss a visit with someone.

This trip and for the next several trips moving forward…I decided to save us a lot of time, and effort and ask my family to come over to the MIL’s house for visits. I initially felt bad about it, feeling selfish asking people if they wanted to visit us… However, I quickly remembered how accommodating we were/are to our friends with kids, and realized that this is normal for parents with little babies (especially ones that drive 3 plus hours to visit).

So, I am excited to be able to spend time with everyone, and for Elliott to get to see his family all together. Hubby is thrilled to be able to have the brood in one place, and the In laws love hosting family events. I think it is a win-win for everyone! Now, if only everyone got along…