6 months and many lessons

6 months.

Yesterday marked 6 months since Spencer’s birth.

6 months since my vagina was intact.  Yes, we are talking about it again.  Vagina, Vagina, Vagina.

I have been forced to alter my life to accommodate my new physical limitations.  I had to suspend my Stroller Strides membership because I couldn’t walk without major pain, let alone run.  I could no longer stand for extended periods of time.  I couldn’t sit cross-legged, on uneven or hard surfaces any longer.  Wearing tight fitting clothes was out, and let’s face it now that I have had 2 kids–all my clothes are tight fitting…

The first doctor visit was 10 or so days post delivery.  I felt like something wasn’t healing right.  She said I was rushing it and to take it easy.

The second visit was for my 6 week follow up.  Again, I noted the pain and discomfort.  The GYN said take it easy.  Sometimes healing takes a while.  The pain was likely a result of the prolapse.  Come back in 4-6 months for a follow up.

During the last few months I have made adjustments.  I have been in almost constant discomfort in one way or another.  I have lost sleep over not being able to have anymore kids because of the pain.  I have contemplated surgery even though I wouldn’t be able to pick up my kids for 6 weeks or more.  I have cried.  But, mostly I have been silent.  I shared on this blog and with a few people.  But, mostly I have been silent about it since that is what you are supposed to do.

You aren’t supposed to talk about your vagina.

Yesterday, I went to a specialist whose emphasis is in pelvic floor disorders.  He took one look at me and was shocked.  He couldn’t believe that I hadn’t been diagnosed before.  He was shocked that I went so long without treatment.  He said that most of my discomfort could be eliminated with a procedure he could do right now.  He couldn’t guarantee that one treatment would eliminate the problem but he was certain that it would make me feel better than I felt.

He said my prolapse was normal.  He said I could have 10 more kids if I wanted.

I started to cry.  My legs in stirrups – spreadeagled and I was crying.  The nurse put her hand on my leg and brought me the box of tissues.  I was that girl.

I felt so relieved.  A painless application of silver nitrate and I was good to go.  If I wasn’t healed in 2 weeks to make another appointment.

I also felt stupid.  And angry.  And silly.  I endured 6 months of pain and silent embarrassment when all I needed was some silver nitrate and a competent doctor.

Exuberant granulation tissue.

All of this isn’t to say that I am 100% healed.  I still have a minor prolapse.  And I may still need an office visit to surgically remove the extra tissue.  But, I already feel better today both knowing the true cause of my pain and knowing that it can be treated.

Lessons learned-  Trust my body.  Trust my instincts.  Trust myself.   Don’t blindly trust doctors.  Don’t be ashamed of my body–broken or not.

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