6 months and many lessons

6 months.

Yesterday marked 6 months since Spencer’s birth.

6 months since my vagina was intact.  Yes, we are talking about it again.  Vagina, Vagina, Vagina.

I have been forced to alter my life to accommodate my new physical limitations.  I had to suspend my Stroller Strides membership because I couldn’t walk without major pain, let alone run.  I could no longer stand for extended periods of time.  I couldn’t sit cross-legged, on uneven or hard surfaces any longer.  Wearing tight fitting clothes was out, and let’s face it now that I have had 2 kids–all my clothes are tight fitting…

The first doctor visit was 10 or so days post delivery.  I felt like something wasn’t healing right.  She said I was rushing it and to take it easy.

The second visit was for my 6 week follow up.  Again, I noted the pain and discomfort.  The GYN said take it easy.  Sometimes healing takes a while.  The pain was likely a result of the prolapse.  Come back in 4-6 months for a follow up.

During the last few months I have made adjustments.  I have been in almost constant discomfort in one way or another.  I have lost sleep over not being able to have anymore kids because of the pain.  I have contemplated surgery even though I wouldn’t be able to pick up my kids for 6 weeks or more.  I have cried.  But, mostly I have been silent.  I shared on this blog and with a few people.  But, mostly I have been silent about it since that is what you are supposed to do.

You aren’t supposed to talk about your vagina.

Yesterday, I went to a specialist whose emphasis is in pelvic floor disorders.  He took one look at me and was shocked.  He couldn’t believe that I hadn’t been diagnosed before.  He was shocked that I went so long without treatment.  He said that most of my discomfort could be eliminated with a procedure he could do right now.  He couldn’t guarantee that one treatment would eliminate the problem but he was certain that it would make me feel better than I felt.

He said my prolapse was normal.  He said I could have 10 more kids if I wanted.

I started to cry.  My legs in stirrups – spreadeagled and I was crying.  The nurse put her hand on my leg and brought me the box of tissues.  I was that girl.

I felt so relieved.  A painless application of silver nitrate and I was good to go.  If I wasn’t healed in 2 weeks to make another appointment.

I also felt stupid.  And angry.  And silly.  I endured 6 months of pain and silent embarrassment when all I needed was some silver nitrate and a competent doctor.

Exuberant granulation tissue.

All of this isn’t to say that I am 100% healed.  I still have a minor prolapse.  And I may still need an office visit to surgically remove the extra tissue.  But, I already feel better today both knowing the true cause of my pain and knowing that it can be treated.

Lessons learned-  Trust my body.  Trust my instincts.  Trust myself.   Don’t blindly trust doctors.  Don’t be ashamed of my body–broken or not.

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39 weeks 3 days

Nothing yet. The baby is doing awesome, plenty of fluid, good heartbeats and fetal movement, still at 2 cm, 80% effaced, he is weighing in at 7-7 3/4 lbs.  And with all of the digestive clearing I lost 3 pounds since last week.  She also wrote me a RX for lidocaine for my hemorrhoids–yippee!!!

She swept my membranes again which while uncomfortable was not nearly as painful as the first time. And there wasn’t any cramping this go round.

His head isn’t engaged which isn’t ideal as that was part of the problem with Elliott, but she thought labor would fix that. She will let me go to 41 weeks and then suggests breaking my water so that I don’t end up in OB care (42 wks) where they give pitocin straightaway…and with pitocin the risk of uterine rupture for VBAC candidates increases from one to four percent.

More waiting. I hope the kid holds off till Friday now that we are so close to Thanksgiving as I have a yummy dinner planned.

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Nothing to report

39 weeks and 3 days tomorrow. 8am Non-stress test and Midwife appt. tomorrow.

Nothing new to report. Pressure, heaviness, light cramps, more digestive track emptying, the bloody show is more like mucous again and of course hemi’s… The sucky part of all of this is that my lady parts are sore and I haven’t even pushed a kid out yet. Epidural please!

Do I get my membranes swept again tomorrow or just let nature take its course?

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