You are the World

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you’ve been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you’ve done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
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Dont say Duh

I am 34 years old, and just today realized that Madonna’s song Papa dont Preach had abortion subtext. I know all of the words, and knew what she meant. I just never thought about it in real life.

Yes, I am dense. It just goes to show that I really do take things very literally.

Please dont leave duh comments. I already feel silly enough.

My world without email

Not having a job has stirred up and shifted many things inside the pit of my existence.

The first is that I am (make that was) addicted to email. Many times through out a day I will think, Hmm, I should check my work email. Only to realize that I don’t have an employer therefore I don’t have any work email to check.

Bummer.

Therefore, I am going to refocus all my emailing efforts on this blog, flickr, facebook, twitter, linkedin, and my personal email.

That will show them.

The Magic 8 Ball says…

I consulted the Magic 8 Ball today, and it said ‘all signs point to yes’. Well, it was correct. I got laid off today. Really no surprise given the market.

The good part is that I had time to prepare myself. Wen my boss emailed me asking me to clear my schedule 30 minutes before my work day ends…I kinda got a hollow/sick feelings in my stomach. Then, when I voiced my concerns over the email to my co-workers they disclosed that a Fedex came on Friday from our HR company with my name in the subject line. They were going to put it on my desk, then decided to let my boss know. Both bosses work off site, so one came into the office to retrieve it. Again, not a certainty, but more evidence.

Then I logged into our HR website, and lo and behold–my final paycheck was posted with my vacation time paid out with a pay date of today. See what happens when you lay off your skilled workers! They forget to hit the “hide” button on people’s final paycheck and instead disclose the fact that I am getting the ax…

So, during the day while I should have been nervously working…I was instead packing my boxes, clearing out any personal emails, backing up my contacts to a flash drive, and surfing the EDD website to find out how to file unemployment.

When my boss arrived to deliver the news-one look around my office and he knew that I knew. We had a casual banter about the emptiness of my office, he asked how I knew. i asked a few questions about why they decided on me, would I be reeligable, and the like. Then, I said goodbye to my co-workers and went home to my family.

I don’t mind so much getting the boot (there is the normal drain on your ego and self worth)–I have certainly had to make and carry out these kinds of difficult decisions time and again over the years. I do wonder why it was me and not someone else. But, the suckiest part is that the economy is so bad, that the likelihood of me getting another job, with my salary range, part time, and close to home is slim to none. Not to mention doing something I really loved.

The other part that bites is that since I graduated from college I have worked in the mortgage industry. I have had a part in all aspects from docs, funding, post-closing, processing, secondary, underwriting, escrow, to mortgage banking software to management of all departments. I don’t really know another industry. So, finding a job in another field will be a big change after 10 years in this line of work.

The good part for us is that we have been slowly making lifestyle changes to slim down our monthly budget. We are in a better position than we were a few years ago. But, no one is ready to loose all of their income (there is unemployment insurance of course!).

I plan on taking until the beginning of the year off (while still searching for a job passively). At the start of 2009 I should have a new resume and a formalized game plan for how to tackle the next phase in my life. Wish me well!

I was weaned

I have spent the last week reflecting on my breastfeeding relationship with Elliott. The difficulties that we experienced in the beginning. The massive amount of pain that came the first few months. The overflowing milk supply a few months later. And the joy and comfort we both experienced as a result of this wonderful bond. Truly amazing. In fact, maybe, the most selfless thing I have ever done.

For many reasons–I always dreaded weaning Elliott. I couldn’t imagine that the day would come. I never wanted to deny him the thing that comforted him the most. I didn’t want to end something that allowed me so much joy and happiness.

So when my 16 month old, sweet faced little man shook his head right to left and pulled my shirt down when offering him the breast– I was heartbroken and felt rejected. I thought it would pass and that once he wasn’t nauseous any longer he would resume his nightly feeding.

Nope.

We are officially broken up. We are no longer a breastfeeding pair. He is no longer my nursling. *Sniffle*

It has been over a week. How long until my breast stops being so swollen? Today I had to massage it in the shower, and when I got out it was dripping milk. I felt like I was a new Mom all over again. Totally unjust.

Inside my head I was thinking that it wasn’t fair to physically punish me for this. I didn’t decide it–it was decided for me. Something I never considered (yes, I am naive).

My rational, less expressed side is relieved. I feel slightly freer. I feel a little more autonomous. I feel almost back to myself again. If only the pain in my boob would subside. Perhaps me and a cabbage leaf will get friendly. Something outta reap the benefits, right?