Yesterday I completed a Half Marathon, that’s 13.1 miles folks. I will pause for effect.
I haven’t run a race since Elliott was just a few months old and I really walked most of it being just a few months post surgery.
In my former life I was a frequent runner and racer, and I posted a while ago about the races that I remember running. I was never fast, but I do have endurance. It took me 6 hours and 1 minute to complete my only marathon.
This race was different though than all my other races. The main difference was that I signed up for the race and the training alone. I was lucky enough to run with some great women throughout the training period, but the decision to run and train was mine alone. I also vowed from the first long weekend run that I would not allow myself to quit.
You see, I have a habit of letting myself fail. If I find something to be difficult I judge whether I will be able to complete the task. If there is a possibility that I may fail, then I will rationalize reasons not to try as hard as I could. Then, I often end up giving up and failing at the task. Therefore sabotaging my chances at success, even if they may have been slim to begin with.
I didn’t do that to myself this time. I tried as hard as I could throughout the season. I accepted my defeats as they came (and they came on a 12 mile training run…ouch), and I pushed myself when I could. The result was awesome. I finished the half with a personal best. My watch time was 2 hours 38 minutes (had to stop it for a potty break hence the 3 minute variance from the tag time). The official results are here:
||San Diego, CA
||5529 out of 7026
||3164 out of 4327
||591 out of 768
||41.16% Place: 5622
||2:42:03 Pace: 12:22
||1:23:21 Pace: 12:38
It clearly isn’t a great time compared to others in my age group (591 out of 768 finishers), but it a great time for me as a runner. And I ran 95% of the course, only stopping to catch my breath 3 times after I ran 10 straight miles. My previous race times were around 3 hours, so my pace has improved greatly as well. I feel proud of myself for giving it my all, and that is all that counts in my race book.
I feel depressed and ugly.
I feel like shit about myself.
And my self esteem is in the toilet.
Yesterday was my 20 week appointment, and instead of being excited about my baby being healthy and hearing his heartbeat. I feel this way instead. I am selfish and self-absorbed.
The nurse who weighed me wrote my weight down as 10 pounds less than it actually was. I asked the midwife, and she was like, oh I thought you lost a pound. I said, crap…that means I actually gained 9 pounds, and she was like, uh-huh.
Granted, I weighed in on a different scale than I have been. And i had just eaten at Soup Plantation. But, come on… I thought I was eating well, with some small exceptions.
Except that my clothes are all fitting tight, especially in the legs and bum. Not in the belly where the weight should be accumulating.
I feel especially self conscious because I am close friends with 2 prego gals who both look great. And when I go to my Stroller Strides group, there are 3 more prego gals who look awesome. And then all of the postpartum moms who have rockin bods…
Ok, my bitch fest is over. Now, I am off to work out and hopefully feel better.
During my bout with insomnia the other night, I thought a valid use of my time would be to write down the running races that I have participated in over the last several years.
I did the best I could trying to recount the names and years, but I am certain to have left something out (it was 3 o’clock in the mornin’ after all). I used the bibs from the races, the medals and my running logs for years past. This is certainly one for my record book more than for any one’s enjoyment. But, should you enjoy it…well, then, we have a win-win.
Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot (2002)
Simi Valley Days 10K Charity Run (2002)
The Great Pumpkin Run 5k (2002)
Universal Studio’s Backlot 10k (2002)
Santa Barbara News Press 1/2 Marathon (2002 and 2004)
Morgan Stanley Lake Tahoe 10K (2003)
Race for Literacy 8k (2003)
Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon (2003 and 2004)
San Diego Marathon 26.2 miles (2004)
Coronado Independence Day 15K (2004)
Liberty Run/Walk 5K (2004)
Agoura Great Race 5K (2004)
AFC 1/2 Marathon (2005)
Palos Verdes 1/2 marathon (2005)
Camp Pendleton ASYMCA Mud Run 10K (2006 and 2007)
I am finding my groove-slowly.
I joined an exercise
group called Stroller Strides
and I am having a blast! The best part is that Elliott comes with me. He H.A.T.E.D. the childcare center at the gym I formerly attended and that was a large reason why I cancelled my membership (there is also the unemployment
factor, but who’s counting). After the hour long exercise
class-the kids can all run around and play together. They even have a weekly playgroup which one of the Mom’s host and brings arts and crafts for the kids to play with. The kick ass part is that the classes are all conducted outside. So, not only do we get to exercise
, be with our children, and have fun…we get to do it all outdoors in the gorgeous San Diego sun.
The exercise is really helping me get back to normal both emotionally and physically. It is also helping me lose the 10 pounds (yikes) I have gained since I stopped working.
Can you say outta shape? I once ran a marathon–yup, 26.2 miles. This past weekend we went for a 2 mile walk/hike at Cabrillo Monument and I am still sore 2 days later. Pathetic. The take home message for me is that I need to be a healthy weight AND Fit. One can not function without the other.