3 day weekend

Hubby and I decided to nix any and all planning this weekend, and just let it unfold as it should. We had a few things on the to-do list, but mostly fun things we wanted to perhaps do this weekend. Nothing to serious, and hardly any chores.

How nice it has been so far! Friday-we had a relaxing dinner out, and watched a movie at home. I didn’t sleep very well on Wednesday and Thursday night.
Saturday we got up and went to the local cafe, took our coffee with us for our typical neighborhood walk with the dog. I read through some recipe books, and picked out some things I wanted to try and prepare this weekend. Made a trip to the store, and set out in the kitchen to try my creations.
We invited some friends over to partake in the festivities and had a very nice relaxing evening.
I had on my list to make:
1. Chex mix
2. Macaroons
3. Horchata
4. Steak Fries
5. Banana Chips
The list seems a little odd now that I look at it. But, whatever, I am pregnant. I made 3 of the 5 things. And plan on making the other 2 tomorrow.
Today, we got up and walked for coffee, but didn’t do the neighborhood walk. Instead we went downtown to a baseball game. We sat in the Toyota Terrace, which was fancy and fun. We won the game, which made it even better. The seats in this section were much more comfortable and roomy that our other seats, and they provide food and bar service to your seat-if you wish.
The San Diego weather lived up to expectations and while overcast this AM, it cleared to a perfectly blue sky in the mid 70’s this afternoon.

I feel really happy and lucky these days. My third trimester has been by far the best. I am actually very much enjoying being pregnant. There are the physical limitations of course-it is getting more difficult to move, and more painful. I am having a harder time sitting without things starting to hurt, or go numb. I often times cant breath, and have to pee pretty much all the time. My round and broad ligaments are aching and constantly nagging. I think I felt my first wave of braxton hicks contractions late last night and through the early part of today. What I not feeling is emotional, unstable, sad, depressed, hungry, or hormonal. So, all in all — I feel great!

We hired a doula to assist with the labor, birth, and breast feeding. We went back and forth on whether we wanted to have someone with us during the labor and deliver. We have spoken with several people who opted for it on both sides. Some said that they wanted to keep it private and between husband and wife, and some were really grateful for the support that the doula offered to them both. I think all if all we opted for one because we want to be sure that we are doing all we can to have a natural childbirth with as little medical intervention as possible. We want the best possible experience, with the safest overall outcome.

I have even been giving thought to the idea that I wouldn’t mind if people were at the hospital while I was laboring or during delivery. And originally i didn’t want any one to visit us in the hospital, and I think I have changed my mind on that as well.

As it gets closer, and since we engaged a doula I have come to realize a few things. The first is that the key to a successful labor is to trust yourself and your body. I keep reminding myself that a woman’s body was made to bear children. I also keep telling myself that delivery is a one way path. It has a set time frame, and wont go on forever. The goal no matter the road is all the same. I just need to get there. So, having now watched multiple births in our childbirth class, and read about several on line…I feel a lot better about the possible outcomes. The last thing I realized is that I have little control over the physical outcome of the delivery. I cant control how easy or hard my labor will be, or how big the baby will be, or if I will have a tough time pushing him out, and my worst fear–how much or little I will tear. I just need to be ready for all of the possibilities and know that I did my best to assure the best possible outcome.

Lastly, I cant believe how fast the time has gone by since we first found out we were going to have a baby, and how much I have changed in the last several months.

I am lagging on posting pictures and baby shower details. But, I have all day tomorrow open and plan on handling some details then. Stay tuned my friends.

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Just Relax!

I can rarely sit still. I have a hard time relaxing and just doing nothing. To me relaxation is something that I need to plan. I need to carve out time to do nothing–typically I have already thought of ideas about how I am going to spend my down time, and have a schedule for how long it will last, what types of relaxing events I intend to partake in, etc. If I have unscheduled downtime, I get bored and feel unproductive, and lazy.

To many people this way of relaxing is anything but. In fact it is often considered counter intuitive to what you would think of as downtime. I have a constant need to be busy, entertained, and stimulated. I often attribute this to being a cocaine baby (which I have no evidence as to if this is true or false, but it gives me a funny excuse for my neurotic behaviour) or to OCD (Which again I have no proof of, but like to deflect my craziness on something ‘out of my control’).

My relaxing (read: planned downtime) weekend without the hubby was peaceful, and I wasn’t lonely. Of course it goes without saying that I missed my husband, and longed for him to be home. But, moreover, I knew we both needed this little break, and it was enjoyable for both of us. I did feel and experience a few things that I want to share.

On Saturday morning, as I said in my previous post, I scheduled a coffee date and a massage. The 2 gals I met for coffee, are 2 of the best, most supportive, intelligent, wonderful women I know. I love being in their company and often feel lucky (and shocked) that they like me as much as I like them. I wonder sometimes (in my crazy brain) too, what they see in me (being as great as they are, and me just being me). I admire these gals for so many reasons. To name just a few-their honesty, humor, intelligence, commitment to their families, and overall amazing attitude about life’s speed bumps and obstacles. All in all, just good strong women, that I very much admire and look up to.

Anyway, I was sad that we only had a limited time to meet, but appreciative that we had anytime at all. I was also very much looking forward to my massage, and a relaxing day. My massage was wonderful, as I expected. Several times during the massage, I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude sweep over me. The kind that makes your brain tingle with recognition, and make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. I felt grateful for the massage-it was nice to have someone touch me in a sensual way, a way that is designed to elicit a positive response. But, I also felt grateful to have such a good life.

The rest of the day was equally relaxing. I didn’t have a game plan beyond the massage, which is rare for me. So, I forced myself to take advantage of the free time to catch up on some reading, and finished reading 2 books that I had previously started. I went to our local coffee house, and brought my bookclub with me. I spent a couple hours reading and sipping a half caff vanilla latte. It felt good to ‘do nothing”.

After that I walked around the hood, and purchased a few items for the many special events that are celebrated in our family in May (Birthday’s include-my Aunt, 3 nieces, and my sister in law, plus Mothers Day). Then I went home, and tooled around the house for a while. I wanted to go to the grocery store or to Costco, but I just didn’t have the energy.

Sunday, I slept in, and by our normal standards woke up late (8:00am). I did some filing, meet my girlfriend for breakfast, and then went to the Dinner Studio for the first time. The experience was interesting, and hopefully the food is good. I was the only customer for my time slot, so it felt like everyone was watching me, but all in all it was easy and fun. By the time I was done though, I was having a major hot flash (sweating like crazy, although it wasn’t more than 70 degrees) and was exhausted. I am starting to fatigue more easily, and that is confusing to me. I am used to be able to push myself and just get things done, even when I am tired.

My back was also starting to hurt (I have been super lucky so far, and haven’t been subject to many back aches or pains in that regard), but I was determined and desperate to make it to Whole Foods, since our cupboard is bare. I also keep getting these cramps in my stomach (mostly after a walk –if its at to fast of a pace). I don’t think they are BH because they last for a while and aren’t rhythmic (20 minutes or more, if I don’t rest), but they start to get draining after a while. So, I made it to Whole Foods, and spent the paycheck. Brought everything in, unloaded, put away, prepped a few things, cut some fruit, etc. By the end of the day, I was REALLY in pain. I was physically tired and aching. But I got it all done (almost). I finally had to talk myself into sitting down, and force myself to rest.

My point for recanting this whole story is two fold. First I need to realize and remember that I am creating a life inside of my body, and that along with being an amazingly wonderful process, it is also tiring. I need to listen to my body, and not get bossed around by my mind in these last few weeks. I feel like I have the energy to do all of these things, but I just don’t have the physical strength to get them all done. And the second reason is that I need to learn how to relax, and just let things go sometimes. I am not going to be able to get it all done (especially after the baby is here). I am reminded of this by friends, and family, and now my body is not so subtly reminding me.

I really need to listen more, and talk/write less.