Striving for more or never satisfied?

It has been said, by several people including my husband and my best friend, that I am never satisfied.

I never took this as an insult.  In fact, I always approached it as a positive part of my personality.  I think that striving to be better, constantly wanting to improve on what you are, and working and looking towards future goals are all very admirable traits to possess.

I understand however that it isn’t meant as a compliment.  What they are really saying is that I am never happy with what I have and I cant ever be satisfied or appreciate the present.  I am unable to stop, and be thankful.  I can rarely be present because I am too busy looking ahead. I focus on what still needs to be done and not what has already been accomplished.

There are several parts about this situation that are difficult to address. The first is the basic differences in world views.  How do you resolve something so ingrained in your personality with your spouse or loved ones? Being raised with HUGELY different parenting styles we both have traits and characteristics that compliment one another and also challenge one another.

My MIL is a role model for positive behavior.  She has a knack for speaking only positive things, for making the best of each situation and for never vocalizing the negative.   While it is often difficult to know how she really feels about something-it is very enjoyable and pleasant to spend time with her.  My Mother on the other hand, has a special ability to be honest and forthcoming.  She always speaks her mind and you know where you stand with her.  She doesn’t often take things personally and has a tough skin.  Of course, her honesty is one sided, and can often hurt those who are more sensitive than she is.

So when resolving a marital issue–do you ask the other person to change (assuming that a person can change) and moreover is it fair to even ask them to?  Do you accept this as part of their personality or do you work towards a common goal or compromise and if so, how and what?

Is this simply about perspective which can be resolved with a word choice. Is this about manipulating the words to affect the desired result.  When you are comfortable speaking your mind, is it worth taking the few extra moments to pause and think about what you are going to say and how it will perceived; and potentially alter the phrasing.  Or is that compromising your true self to satisfy others who have more fragile personalities.

In disagreements where both sides feel they are justified —  who is ‘right’ and how do you decide?

All of these are subjective, I know.  Each relationship is unique and one can not possibly advise on how to resolve a situation like this for another person.  I realize that I am asking questions that can not be answered by any another except the parties involved.

I also realize that when our words are hurting people we love, regardless of how or why, that we need to alter the phrasing and delivery.

So, what I am asking is that you provide suggestions for how you ‘make the best’ of situations even if they aren’t going as planned.  How do you see and vocalize the positive when the first thing you see is what is wrong, not what is right?  How do you keep your mouth shut when something goes wrong, and look on the bright side?  Is there a way to offer suggestions without sounding like you are criticizing the progress.  For the ladies–how do you power through hormonal periods of your life and still remain positive and upbeat?

I hope that like parenting, if my arsenal is full of suggestions and ideas, then I can be better prepared to handle the pitfalls challenges when they arise.    Being prepared is a good place to start.

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SENSORY PROCESSING DISORDER CHECKLIST

How quirky are you?  From the looks of this list, I am a high maintenance human being.  How do you rate?

ADOLESCENT / ADULT SENSORY PROCESSING DISORDER CHECKLIST
SENSORY MODULATION:

_X __ bothered by clothes; certain materials, tags, seams, pantyhose, ties, belts, turtlenecks, have to wear shorts, skirts, or pants exclusively, etc.
_X __ bothered by “light touch”; someone lightly touching/rubbing your hand, face, leg or back
__ __ excessively ticklish
_X __ distressed by others touching you; would rather be the “toucher” than the “touchee”, difficulty “snuggling” with your partner
_X __ have to fidget and “fiddle” with things all the time; change in your pocket, your keys, a pen/pencil, paper clip, rubber band, ANYTHING within reach
_X __ often touching and twisting your own hair
_X __ very sensitive to pain, especially as compared to others
__ __ don’t seem to notice pain; get shots/cuts/bruises and hardly feel a thing
__ __ dislike the feeling of showers or getting splashed
_X __ difficulty going to the beach; the sand blowing on your skin or getting on your body
_X __ avoid touching anything “messy”; if you do, you have to go wash your hands right away and/or only touch it with your fingertips
__ __ can not wear new or “stiff” clothes that have not been washed or soaked in fabric softener
_X __ hate to be barefoot or hate to wear shoes and/or socks
_X __ frequently get car sick, air sick, motion sick
__ __ a thrill seeker; loves fast and/or dangerous rides, leisure activities, and sports
__ __ difficulty riding on elevators, escalators, or moving sidewalks
__ __ avoid amusement park rides that spin or go upside down
__ __ seek out fast, spinning, and/or upside down carnival rides
__ __ will often rock or sway body back and forth while seated or standing still
__ __ frequently tips chair on back two legs
_X __ restless when sitting through a lecture, presentation, or movie
__ __ constantly chews on ends of pens and pencils
_X __ smokes cigarettes (smoked for 7 yrs, quit when I was 21)
__ __ difficulty eating foods with mixed textures, or one particular texture
_X __ prefer foods with very strong tastes and flavors
__ __ prefer very bland foods, dislike anything spicy
_X __ has a diagnosed eating disorder or has major eating “sensitivities”
__ __ constantly biting nails or fingers
__ __ bites lips or inside of cheeks
__ __ frequently shake your leg while sitting or falling asleep
_X __ love to sleep with multiple or heavy blankets on top of you
_X __ seek out crashing and “squishing” activities
_X __ cracks knuckles often
_X __ loves crunchy foods (popcorn, carrots, chips, nuts, pretzels, etc.)
__ __ frequently have gum or hard candy in your mouth
__ __ has an “endless” supply of air fresheners, scented candles, odor masking sprays, etc.
_X __ becomes nauseated or gags from certain cooking, cleaning, perfume, public restroom, or bodily odors
_X __ identifies objects by smell, have to smell everything, judge whether you like something or someone by smell
_X __ becomes overstimulated / over aroused when people come to the house or in crowded places
__ __ very high or very low energy level
__ __ avoids crowds and plans errands at times when there will be fewer people
_X __ overly exited/aroused in group settings
_X __ hides or disappears when guests come over
__ __ substance abuse
_X __ drinks excessive amounts of coffee or caffeinated beverages
_X __ notice and bothered by noises other people do not seem bothered by… clocks, refrigerators, fans, people talking, outdoor construction, etc.
_X __ sensitive to loud sounds or commotion
_X __ easily distracted by auditory or visual stimuli
_X __ can not attend certain public events or places due to excessive noise

7 months and some perspective!

I think I found my perspective this weekend, thanks to some R&R with friends, and a long conversation with my hubby.

I realized that I can only make decisions based on what I think will happen after Elliott is born. I don’t know what will happen (yikes!), never having experienced child birth, motherhood, or working full-time post delivery. I can only ask questions from those people I trust, think things through to the best of my ability, talk them over with my hubby, and then make the best decision all things considered.

I was getting so worried about making the wrong choices, and about everything being so difficult, and unfair (I am still now totally over this one) that I forgot about human limitations. I need to trust my choices (each of us has to make our own, they are all based on different factors (all equally important to that person)), and I need to know that whatever I/we decide is the best choice for that time. No guilt.

Phew, I feel a lot better about myself. My expectations are back in line, and I don’t feel resentful towards hubby anymore. Its amazing how I can work myself into a frenzy.

In this post I also wanted to list things that I am feeling now that I am officially in the 7th month, at the start of the third trimester. I talk with a lot of Mommy’s who forget about how it felt to be pregnant, and I want to remember (even if that means referring back to what I wrote to jog my peon and apparently shrinking brain).

1. I feel pregnant! My belly is getting larger by the day it seems. My abdomen aches, and I can feel it growing, stretching, and starting to itch.

2. I have round ligament pain. I didn’t realize what this was, when my friend asked if I was experiencing it, so I said no. But, after my last Dr. appt. I asked why my groin muscles were aching like crazy for going on 4 weeks. Now, I know.

3. Standing or walking for long periods is becoming more challenging, and painful. My back hurts at the end of the day, but is manageable for now.

4. I get tired more easily, even while I am exerting less effort.

5. I don’t get up in the middle of the night as often to pee, but I have to pee all day long (like 20 times a day).

6. I am frantic about nesting. Everything is ‘dirty’, the room isn’t ‘ready’, and I haven’t read enough about parenting, birth, or whatever decision I am struggling to make.

7. It is difficult to get up from a seated position.

8. I am THIRSTY!

9. Clothes are uncomfortable, but being naked with my round, plump body is worse! LOL.

10. I am excited about the birth of our son, and vacillate between wanting him to get here faster and having major anxiety about his eminent arrival.