Madeline Spohr

Many of you know that I am fundraising for the March of Dimes walk here in San Diego (see side bar for details).  Family and friends have been extremely supportive, and for that I am grateful. I want to thank you on behalf of Madeline Spohr.  

I did not know this child, but she has made a profound impact on my life over the past few days and as you can see from this link, she has touched thousands of other families as well. She was born prematurely.  Sadly, tragically, and unexpectedly she died on Tuesday at the tender age of 17 months.
In addition to donating to the March of Dimes, the family is asking for your help with the funeral costs.  Please give if you can.  


Hi followers.  In case you have missed me…its because I am now addicted to Facebook.  Yes, you heard correctly.  The youth that I tried to get as far away from as possible-I am slowly rebuilding via my friend list.  What am I thinking.

Oh, and by the way-Happy 2 year blog anniversary to me! 

You are the World

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you’ve been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you’ve done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Graduation from Babyhood

As parent you are acutely aware of the shifts in your child’s behaviour or abilities. For Elliott, Friday was a marked turning point. It seemed to me that he had made a breakthrough from what I perceived as baby to active toddler.

He has been walking for a month. He still was crawling with frequency, but Friday he didn’t crawl the entire day. He also no longer wanted my help with anything. He was set on doing things himself, and when I offered to help or made the mistake of helping he would get frustrated. He also has started to play independently and imaginatively. To elaborate–he would take a toy truck and make truck sounds while pushing the truck around the house. He did these things singly prior to this, but Friday he started to put all of them together. He also took books from the shelf and sat and read them. Usually he will bring them to me, sign book and then sit down waiting for me to read them to him.

I mentioned his new found independence to hubby, who confirmed my observations on Saturday.
We had been planning on getting him a haircut for several weeks, but I couldn’t bring myself to think that those gorgeous golden curls would be no more. I didn’t want to let go of his babyhood. I didn’t want my little boy to grow up, as if somehow I could prevent it. His long bangs had started to irritate his eyes and he wouldn’t let me cut it. So, we made a decision by default.

Elliott is very sensitive and was very upset while getting his hair cut. So, Dad held him in his lap where he sniffled insecurely. It took a bit for him to recover. Hopefully he isn’t traumatized.

The odd thing about the haircut is that I feel differently about him. I feel like he is now a little boy, and not a baby. And with that comes different feelings about what he is capable of. It is odd timing for sure, since Friday already marked a transition for him. The haircut corroborates and solidifies my feelings.
Later that day, hubby wanted to take him to the pumpkin patch. I didn’t see the value in it,

since he wouldn’t likely remember and we had already bought several pumpkins for the house. Occasionally my nickname is the Enemy of Fun. But, if this picture captures even an ounce of the joy and happiness he felt–then you can see how wrong I was.

He had a wonderful time. Watching him explore brought little tears to my eyes. I felt so much love for him. It is crazy how we can relive so many feelings by watching our children.

When we were driving home from the pumpkin patch, he was sitting in his car seat with his boo bear that his Nana sent him and his sippy cup of water. When I looked back he was kissing his bear and giving him water from his cup. Again, tears of pride and overwhelming love welled up in my throat.

Elliott was afraid of the petting zoo animals. But, was still very curious about them. Notice the handful of hay? He is waiting for them to come close, before he runs away.

The day closed with an early dinner at Soup Plantation. Like his parents, Elliott loves ice cream. I made him and I a bowl of vanilla soft serve to share. But, he wouldn’t eat it from my spoon, and instead wanted to eat it like you would ice cream from a cone. Several times I lifted the bowl to him mouth. Then, I decided he should have his own mini-cone. He was overjoyed.

It was adorable to watch him hold the little cone, lick the ice cream, and then eat the cone. I was emotional watching him, as it was another sign that his babyhood is gone. He doesn’t need his Mommy to help him anymore. Sniffle. I love you and welcome you my little boy, farewell sweet baby boy.

Our first solo outing

Elliott and I made our first solo mission out of the house together today. We went to UCSD, and attended a Breastfeeding Support Group. It wasn’t really a support group in the classic sense, it was more like a hands on with a lactation consultant, where other Mom’s are too. There were 3 Mom’s there, including me. One was there with her husband and Mom, and 4 day old baby. The other was there with her Mom and her 9 day old babe. Elliott and I were there together. He is 3 weeks and 2 days old today. I cant believe how fast the time is going.

We didn’t learn too much, except that we are doing pretty well compared with some other folks. But, I think that is just a matter of time. With time you learn about positioning and your babies preferences. Plus, when one thing hurts–you change it and try something else. That was basically the take home message for me. Keep at it, and keep trying…it will get easier. And from the looks of the gals in the group, it has already gotten easier for us. The let down has improved. We are nursing on each side for several feedings in a row, before we switch over to the other side. That has made a huge difference. Now, if only we could get our latch worked out.

Elliott got weighed again today, and weighs 11 lbs and .02 ounces. No wonder my back is killing me! I think he is growing faster than my muscles are. Everyone is amazed at his weight gain.

I am enjoying being home with him. And I am already beginning to worry about having to go back to work. I keep trying to think of ways to get out of it. I am slowly trying to plant the seed with my hubby about me staying home. But, financially I just don’t know if it is possible.

My Mom came to visit this past weekend. She arrived on Saturday around 4pm. We hung out on Saturday night, went out to dinner and then she left around 8pm. They came back on Sunday morning around 11am to say goodbye. It was a quick visit, but it was nice to see her, and to get a few photos of her and Elliott. She seemed happy and glad to meet him.

Day 14 for my little chipmunk

Yesterday, On Friday the 13th, Elliott’s bellybutton fell off. It was kinda gross, and smelled yucky. I suspect my sniffer is extra sensitive lately. At the first sign of spilled breastmilk, I can smell it and need to change clothes (that applies to his and/or mine). Hubby says I am extra sensitive to it.

I have a gaggle of coupons for Huggies diapers (we were using Pampers), so being thrifty I sent hubby to buy some. 3 times last night his diaper leaked. I had heard that certain brands work better with certain baby body types, and now I can attest to that. Does anyone want a bunch of Huggies coupons?

Other things to note, looking back I only got to take 7 days of maternity leave… I should have trusted my instinct and gone out on leave sooner. However, since I had a c-section I get 2 more weeks of State Leave.

Hubby says I have a downturn on my face, and is worried about the Baby Blues, or worse. I have been thinking about that alot (since I did suffer from a bout of depression during my 2nd trimester), and have been very sensitive to the possibility. However, after taking inventory…I don’t think I am affected. I am a bit bored and stir crazy being in the house all the time. But, with the surgery recovery period they warn you not to push it to much in the first 2 weeks, plus they say don’t drive. Lastly, I am kinda scared to drive still (and on a side note, I need to take my car into the VW dealer to get the latch system installed/upgraded…which BTW they do for free!). I stopped taking the pain killers after a few days (they were making me loopy and pretty spacey), and am just taking a motrin 2x’s a day. I have been up around since day one, and pretty active and mobile. I am the type of person who cant sit still when there are things to do (and my ocd type personality wont let me sit for long-there are things to organize!). I am looking forward to regaining my Independence (my car and my body), and getting out of the house with Elliott. I suspect that will do a lot to improve my mood.

I am very much looking forward to the next week. We have had visitors at our house almost every day since I went out on leave. The first week my girlfriend from home stayed in our Airstream while attending a conference. Then I went into Labor, and had visitors almost every day in hospital. Then we came home and had people who stopped by daily. Then on Sunday hubby’s family arrived for a long planned SD vacation. The SIL and BIL et. al stayed in a hotel, while the MIL stayed here. Initially it was a bit overwhelming. Mostly because we weren’t aware of the sleeping arrangements, or what the weeks plan was. Plus, we weren’t expecting to have Elliott during their visit. But, all in all it worked out. They left yesterday. Now, today we have another friend from back home who wants to travel down here to visit for the day. I must say Elliott is one popular kiddo.

Hubby and I are falling into a routine, which is nice. We were actually even able to watch a movie last night (although it cut into our requisite sleeping time). It was nice to have some adult entertainment.

This is my stop!

I have a long standing inside joke that there would come a time when I will jump off the fashion and music trains. I would always make mental notes of women who had reached a certain point in their lives where they no longer made fashion, music, CD’s and shopping a priority. I always looked at these women and secretly thought that it only happened when you were ‘older’.

Well, I think this is my stop. Apparently I am now ready to disembark. I stopped listening to the radio. My car stereo is permanently programmed to KPBS. I don’t carry a CD book in my car any longer. I used to find a day at the mall (alone) relaxing. Now I dread going to the mall. I no longer like shopping for clothes or shoes. I just don’t find it as enjoyable as i once did. I prefer to handle my shopping from the comfort of my office chair and my browsing is done on the web.

This has long term repercussions of course on my wardrobe. I am comfortable wearing the same clothes again and again. I don’t care as much about how I look, or how I am perceived. I have resigned myself to listening to the music that my hubby picks out. I couldn’t locate a particular CD or Album to save my life. I listen to whatever he puts on my laptop. Perhaps this is a function of maturity. Maybe I have finally become a grown up. *YUCK*