Since I was laid off from my job in November, I have been really struggling with my self worth. I feel like I am not a valuable member of my household since I don’t get paid for what I do. As if the simple act of getting a paycheck somehow validates me.
I think and wonder if my contributions to my household (cleaning, shopping, cooking, yard work, budgeting) are worthy of my time and intellect. I wonder if I am ‘wasting’ my degree and potential. By staying home am I setting the best example for my son both as a human being and as a woman. Dont get me wrong, I love staying home with Elliott. I adore the time I get to spend with him and being the person that gets to teach him the foundational and valuable life lessons.
But, I get bored too. I feel unfulfilled. I feel like I am wasting my time and talent. I feel lonely. I wonder if I am teaching Elliott the ‘right’ things and being a loving and patient Mom.
At the end of every day I have to feel proud of what I do (read and repeat, read and repeat) or else I feel worthless. I am working on how to feel proud of this new path. I am getting out of the house as often as possible. I am taking time for me when I can. I am giving myself time to adjust and accept. I know that it takes a while to acclimate to anything new.