I have spent the last week reflecting on my breastfeeding relationship with Elliott. The difficulties that we experienced in the beginning. The massive amount of pain that came the first few months. The overflowing milk supply a few months later. And the joy and comfort we both experienced as a result of this wonderful bond. Truly amazing. In fact, maybe, the most selfless thing I have ever done.
For many reasons–I always dreaded weaning Elliott. I couldn’t imagine that the day would come. I never wanted to deny him the thing that comforted him the most. I didn’t want to end something that allowed me so much joy and happiness.
So when my 16 month old, sweet faced little man shook his head right to left and pulled my shirt down when offering him the breast– I was heartbroken and felt rejected. I thought it would pass and that once he wasn’t nauseous any longer he would resume his nightly feeding.
We are officially broken up. We are no longer a breastfeeding pair. He is no longer my nursling. *Sniffle*
It has been over a week. How long until my breast stops being so swollen? Today I had to massage it in the shower, and when I got out it was dripping milk. I felt like I was a new Mom all over again. Totally unjust.
Inside my head I was thinking that it wasn’t fair to physically punish me for this. I didn’t decide it–it was decided for me. Something I never considered (yes, I am naive).
My rational, less expressed side is relieved. I feel slightly freer. I feel a little more autonomous. I feel almost back to myself again. If only the pain in my boob would subside. Perhaps me and a cabbage leaf will get friendly. Something outta reap the benefits, right?
2 thoughts on “I was weaned”
It’s funny, I would have been writing this same post had Nadia or Lily weaned me before I got pregnant again. But here we are just 3 months later and I wish upon wish that they would take the hint and wean me.>>Still I feel your pain and your loss and I I know that once I have finished weaning them, I will mourn the loss of such a beautiful time in our relationship.>>Thanks for your thoughtful comment on my blog and good luck with the breasts adjusting to normal…
I don’t think there is any easy way to wean. My first two self-weaned and I felt so sad and rejected. Then, I weaned my daughter and I felt like I had rejected her. The pain will ease with time (physically and emotionally) yet nothing can take away those memories. Take care!