Last night my girlfriend and I went to the 20th Anniversary screening of Dirty Dancing. What a great time I had–the nostalgia, the romance, the ideology of that movie. **big SIGH** I never saw this movie on the Big Screen, so it was great to see Patrick Swayze’s tight butt, as large as my head, sashaying around in tight black pants, all the while shirtless. Thrills come easy for me these days.
On a different note, and I am going to write more about my discovery soon. I was informed by two people that I love and trust within 24 hours of one another that I am negative, and sometimes I am a downer to be around. Oh, and that I complain ALOT.
Now, I never thought about myself as negative (sarcastic-YES!). I categorized myself as vocal, but with a positive, proactive spin. And I do voice my woes outwardly (I am acutely sensitive to aches, pains, and bodily changes), yet they hardly ever prohibit me from living my life. They are more just out there, for people to know about. Not that anyone needs to do anything about them, or feel bad, or respond in some way.
I guess the part that is getting me, is that I never SAW myself this way. Over the last few days, I have been pondering these statements, thinking about my interactions and relationships with others, and thinking about typical responses…and I just don’t see it.
So, that could mean a few of things (let me know if I missed anything here):
- I am totally unaware of my actions and how they effect others
- I am disconnected from reality
- I have a distorted self image
- I am misunderstood
- These people are just wrong
For now, I am going to soak it in, think about it, ponder, and of course be terribly insecure about my friendships and the image I am portraying. I will keep you posted on my efforts, and my inner most findings. (heeelllllloooooooo–hopefully someone from inside my cavernous empty heart will respond, and it will have a positive spin).
Oh, one last thing…does sarcasm equate to negative? Cause if so, I can stop searching the pits of my being for other answers.